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| Day 8: I have to go write down some profound thoughts from the book that I have to have read for the meeting with Elliott tomorrow. This should be quick, but it probably won't be.
So this morning started out fairly normal...homesick. Awesome. But oh well. We got to the office and Elliott met up with us. He kindly reminded us that we really couldn't get anymore tickets. I hope I can succeed being here with no tickets. We then helped put together the SE bags for the new membership class (you have to have attended the journey for 2 months, I think before you can become a member...at least I think that's what it said in the bulletin). While we were doing this, Christel came in and was asking Emily and I how stuff was going. I just gave her a look and shook my head. Next thing I knew, she's asking me questions about what's wrong and I'm bursting into tears. She wanted to give me a hug but when I'm fighting tears, if someone gives me a hug, it may just get worse, and I don't think the Journey office wants to float away in a sea of my tears. I did manage to tell her about my severe homesickness (worse than ever) and that I cried everyday, and all that stuff that you don't want to tell people because they'll think you're a wuss. Christel thinks that maybe God is trying to build character in me. I don't know...sometimes...honestly, I can't figure out where He is. I'm praying, but I'm still so miserable. I think the devil is determined to destroy this ministry here, and I'm fighting. Christel prayed with me there in the backroom between the granola bars and the Communion juice, and yes I did eventually get a hug.
Emily and I were in the van that day, and so I decided to drive, since I knew that it would distract me. We made it to Union Square and parked on a side street and thankfully were not ticketed by a cop (trust me, I was standing in the street keeping a look out. Then we took off to Columbus Circle to find a parking space to meet up with the team for their next project. However, we drove around for 45 minutes in and around Columbus Circle and could not find a parking space (I strongly discourage anyone EVER having a car in NYC. Walk. It's healthier anyway). We finally parked in front of a deli and Emily and I dug a hole out in the boxes of the granola for her so that she could jump out at them when the team showed up to restock for their next SE project. However, while I'm sitting in the front seat reading my Bible, a traffic cop woman shows up and tells us that we can't park there (techncially, I wasn't completely parked, I had my blinkers on.) Praise the Lord she didn't give us a ticket though (you gotta be grateful for something, especially since the team was about 10 minutes away and we had been parked there for 30 and of course NOW she tells us to move). So, I began driving, with Emily in the back trying to dig out of her granola hole. The best part was when she climbed out and into the front seat while we were going through an intersection, and I believe by traffic cops.
We got in touch with Zach and Kate and tried to find a parking space...We drove up one side of the road and down the other to no avail. Finally, we just decided to go for it. I pulled out of traffic and right up to the side of the curb by the globe at Columbus Circle. Kate was standing there talking to other members of the missions team and she didn't even see us. I'm yelling to her from the driver's seat, and Emily jumped out of the van and started throwing granola out onto the sidewalk. It was for the team to gather, but people got confused and just started walking up thinking it was a free granola giveaway. People in NYC are so bold!! When we unloaded, Emily hopped back into the passengers seat, and we took off into traffic again. No ticket, no one died, and I think we got all of our granola back from the feisty New Yorkers--all in the span of about 2 minutes.
We took off for Verdi Square--the team's last project of the day. We prayed for a parking space and found one as soon as we drove up. Yay God! We got to have a little break there while we waited for the team. I got to do that SE project with the team, and Kevin, the associate pastor encouraged me since he knew that I was homesick. That team was amazing and a real blessing to my heart. One of the girls, dear girl, lost her voice, but managed to squeak out her favorite verse and encourage me. It is obvious that this team was so amazing and came at just the right time when all of us interns were struggling and needed someone to pick us up and help us to keep moving forward. We said goodbye to the team and Kevin came over and gave me a hug: "You can do this," he said. I started crying and then one of the guys from the team came over and hugged me...they're just so great. No words can describe.
I think distracted myeslf again by driving back to the office. I had my arm out the window, concentrating on trying to get through the traffic (I wish the pictures I took could accurately describe the traffic jam that I saw before my eyes...but they don't.) Oh, and a biker drove by me and smiled at me, but I missed it because I was trying to merge into a lane in front of another lane and try not to hit him on his bike--Emily informed me he was smiling. I was sad that I missed it. "That was my husband and I missed meeting him!"
I got over it.
We got back to the office and loaded more granola into the van. The interns have a great time joking around with eachother, and we still get the job done even though we're having fun. I like that.
We had a quick meeting with Elliott...and took off for the land of...relaxation.
Please pray for me. I'm really struggling here, and missing home, and sick of being wussy. I don't go into detail on here because it's just not cool, but this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and \home is so tempting.
I'm tired, so...
I'm out.
PS--I didn't get a ticket today!! I like driving in the city (for now anyway).
Oh, and here's the email that my mother sent to me today:
I need you to do this right now. I MEAN it, physically DO THIS RIGHT NOW:
Reach around and pat yourself on the back. You heard me--PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK...NOW.
Done?? Good. You deserve it. You've been there a whole WEEK already!! Without hopping a bus, stealing a van, or knocking a park policeman off his horse and riding off into the sunset!! ;)
Next assignment, to be done before you sleep tonight: write down, on a semi-permanent piece of paper, THREE THINGS that have gone RIGHT today.
That's an ORDER!
And my three things:
1. The traffic cop made me move the van, instead of just giving me a ticket.
2. The team this week was super encouraging and Kevin (someone who I think was one of the pastors in the church) was incredibly encouraging to me...and gave me a hug and told me I could get through this.
3. The James Bond van move at Columbus Circle made my day.
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| Day 7: Just gotta say, last time Kate, Emily, and I had a good time just talking and sharing and lifting one another up in prayer. I have great sisters here!!!
The internet has been crapping out on me all night so hopefully this will post.
Today started out fairly normally. We drew papers out of a hat last night to figure out who was going to get to sleep in and who was not. Emily was the lucky one, and so Kate and I got up and went to the garage to get the van. Afterward, we headed directly to Verdi Square where we were to meet up with the team to disperse granola. I waited in the van while they went on the first SE project, ready and waiting to move the van from it's parking space if need be (which was needed...so I parked again and fed the meter so that we wouldn't get a ticket...) The team is great and encouraging.
Emily and Zach were heading to NJ again to get MORE granola (that's right, the team was going through it that fast) so that left Kate and I to lead the team for the rest of the day. During lunch, I called my mother and she tried to talk some sense into me for my homesickness and struggling with being here. It was awesome to talk to her and get some encouragement, but I still cried. It was obvious to the team when I got back, but thankfully, they never said a word to me about it. I then went with the team on the subway to make sure that they got to Columbus Circle. I looked at the itinerary. My mind pretty much went like this: "Take the 2 train to 57th. 2 train to 57th. Yep, that's simple enough. Wait a minute--the 2 doesn't stop at 57th, it stops at 42nd (Times Square). Hmmm... Maybe I'm retarded." We got on the 2 train like the itinerary said. Immediately I heard the message over the intercom and saw the flashing sign on the subway: Next stop, Times Square. I made my way across the floor of the moving subway toward one of the leaders of the group of 28 people. "Kevin, we're going to need to get off and get back on. We're going to miss our stop. We'll need to get on the 1 since it stops at every street (well, actually every main stop)."
So, I led my team up the stairs and when we got to the main level I heard a familiar sound. There are often musicians in the subway, hoping to gain a bit of money. And what I saw...was a man playing the musical saw!! OK, I am not sure I have ever seen anyone play the musical saw exept my father, so it was pretty cool! One of the boys from the group tipped the man, which was cool. We went back down the stairs and got on the 1. It really didn't take that long, and there we were at Columbus Circle, right by the globe. I got in touch with Kate who was driving the van to meet us there, and we hurried to meet her because she couldn't find a parking spot. (Columbus Circle is right next to Central Park, and you rarely can find a parking space--at least one that is legal).
We loaded up on granola and Kate left. I went with the team--again, can I just say how completely awesome they are?? They have such willing spirits to work and they have fun while they do it--no matter if it's raining, or if it's sunny. Afteward, we sat underneath the Globe that's in Columbus Circle and waited for the other groups of the team to arrive. Suddenly, I had to run to the bathroom, and of course there was a line. When I got back from Starbucks the team was there and ready to head to the last stop, Bryant Park. We got down to the main floor of the subway, and we were about to go down the stairs to get on the train when my phone ran. It was Kate: "You need to gather the team together and pray because the van just got stolen." As you can imagine, I was completely shocked--who would steal a van full of granola?? We're not supposed to leave the vans, so she can't have been far away, how did it get stolen that fast? How were we going to get it back?
I quickly yelled for the team and they came back and huddled together. I told them what had happened and that we needed to pray. We all held on to eachother while people walked around us and just prayed. We prayed for Kate's safety, for the van to be returned, for God's power against the obvious spiritual warfare that was going on trying to inhibit us from doing the Lord's work, etc. Then the group split up, and two of the leaders, Kevin and Lindsey, and Daniel, one of the students came with me to make sure I got to Times Square and met up with Kate.
Kate had said she was in front of a Sephora...there are apparently two, and Kevin's iPhone led us to the OTHER one. We walked an entire block all the way around before we got in touch with her enough to figure out where she was. Turns out, the van had just been towed, but still Kate hadn't known that at the time and she didn't want to leave where she was in case she needed to file a report. We ended up getting lost but it was actually a good thing because it gave Lindsey and me time to talk. She said that internships are never what you think you're going to be and she learned that within the last year (she and her new husband have been interning for a year). She said that she had been really homesick for the entire last year, but that it really showed her how to rely on God, and not people and that it helps you to become more selfless. It was really helpful to have her encouragement. I'm glad she was a "seasoned intern" who could give advice. It's not easy doing what we're doing for the Lord. There's always opposition (mine is mostly in the form of homesickness...).
We finally caught up with her in front of Bryant park where she was on the phone with someone at the NYPD Traffic Department at the pier. As soon as she got off the phone, I gave her a hug and she burst into tears. Lindsey prayed with us right then and there (people watching again--I'm a fan of praying in public places). Though Kevin wanted to take us to Coldstone Creamery to calm us down, we had to get back to the office to give Elliott the information so that he could go pick up the van (because he was the pastor and the van was registered to the church). Again, Kevin, Lindsey, and Daniel came with us to make sure that we got there safely, and they were able to meet Elliott since they hadn't met him yet. The team went home since there wasn't a way they could contine with the last SE project of the evening. They were grateful for the extra rest that they could have. And bless their hearts--they paid for the fee for getting towed!! Just pulled money right out of the pocket and handed it to Kate. Those people are AMAZING!
Zach and Emily helped set up for Journey University that night, and we hopped a taxi for the pier. Want to know my favorite thing about the pier?? OK, maybe there's a few. I can see NJ, and that's closer to home, I can see the Hudson, and that's cool, and I can see an airplane carrier, and it's HUGE! Oh and we walked by this weird boat car thing. Not real sure what to think about that one. What will they come up with next?
We hurried into the NYPD traffic department and we waited in line at the window. Elliott had so many forms of ID--his licence, a business card, a church bulletin, a letter head. Everything tying him to the church and to the van. It wasn't good enough. In fact, I'm just not sure if he even got his licence BACK from them. Finally it got approved, but we had to wait for the name to be called before we could go get the van. Elliott: "There's only two seats in the van. There are 3 of us..." There are only two seats in each of the vans because of all the granola that we have to load and truck around the city. I told him that he could pick me up down the street (THAT wouldn't look shady at all.)
We waited...and waited...and waited...and made friends with the poor UPS man who was there. He said it usually took 3 hours for him to get his vehicle back. Who tows a UPS truck???? And sir, how often does this happen??
Finally, we were called, and Elliott went to go get the van (you get escorted by a cop in a van...and any passengers have to wait in this dirty seating area in a HUGE garage). By the way, there was this sign saying that you couldn't start your car from a remote... We asked why. The woman cop person told us that it was because people will do that and they will forget what gear they left their car in and then there will be a car just rolling a long in the garage. Really?? Who leaves their car in NEUTRAL in NYC??
Kate and I tried to devise a plan to get into the van without letting the cops know their wasn't enough seats. I offered to lie down in the back with a sweatshirt over my head... Someone could crawl between the two front seats and over the granola...maybe they wouldn't notice?? (There were a lot of them around.) We didn't need ANOTHER ticket. Instead, Kate and I just took a cab and Elliott met us at the garage with the van, where we waited to get it parked. (The security guard almost didn't let us out of the towing area because we were walking out instead of riding with Elliott. He shook his finger at us: "You look like trouble.")
Finally, we got out of the office and took off for home. Zach, Kate, and Emily headed to Brooklyn to visit with the team since it was the last night they would all be there, but I wasn't feeling well so I came back and hung out in the apartment and enjoyed the time of quiet. I need it to process everything that is going on.
Oh, and a word from Elliott: "You guys really can't get any more tickets..."
Yeah...um, we've had 3 tickets in a week and a half. Is that a lot?
Stats thus far: 1 parking ticket, 1 talking on cell phone while driving ticket, 1 talked out of ticket, 1 being towed ticket plus 1 fee for being towed. Yeah, I think I know why the Journey doesn't want to pay for anymore tickets...
I'm beat, and homesick, so I'm out.
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| Day 6: I am quite certain that there was not a New Yorker asleep at 2:30AM this morning when that big thunderstorm came through. Thunder sounds so much different in NYC--it just echoes off the buildings, instead of being deadened by the mountains back home. When I heard the first thunder, my first prayer was "Lord help us to be able to sleep more" and yes indeed, we still had four hours to sleep (I haven't even been here a week yet and I'm already that tired). The lightning was so bright I could see it with my eyes closed. Intense, but yet amazing. Another one of God's symphonies.
I got up about 7:10 this morning, and I knew it was not going to be a great day. After a lovely dream of being home, I was suddenly homesick again. I was also dreading the fact that I was going to have to drive the minivan today throughout NYC. I love to drive...but after my dad getting that ticket the first day I was terrified of driving in the city--but Elliot said we all had to drive, so I knew today was my day. I emailed my dad and asked him to pray before I left. Kate stayed at the apartment, and Emily and I headed to go get the van. Of course, as soon as we were ready to leave, another massive storm blew in, and she and I shared an umbrella and ran through the downpour and the lightning. The city is loud, and I could still hear the thunder. When we got to the corner to cross to get to the subway, we were surrounded by 3 inches of standing water--is it possible that the city streets could turn into rivers??? Pretty close. Instead, we ran across the road, got out of the way of a bus and other traffic, and hurried to the subway station. We were soaked--straight through to our shoes. Even my Bible was wet in my backpack (don't know how, it was in the middle section in the very bottom...
We got to the garage and waited for the valet to bring the van. Emily had offered to drive first so that I could see how it was done and get used to the idea of driving. I became her navigator. However...the traffic was so horrible, and the rain was so bad, it took us forever to get back two streets to the office and then head to Union Square to meet the team. Kate said she rather we be late than in an accident, so we took our time. After we dropped off the granola, we waited with the van and I prepared to drive to the next destination. It wasn't that difficult, and I was surprised at how low-stress it was. It wasn't as bad as I had been told...though I was desperately hoping not to get a ticket (no discount on insurance if that happens--for my entire family.) Emily was a great driver and we got to the next destination (and I parallel parked--finally came in handy) without too much difficulty. However, during lunch, the van got sideswiped by a bus at a bus stop. The bus didn't even stop! It literally picked up the corner of the van, but Mark wasn't too concerned (I guess it's not the first bit of damage that was done to the van--the light still worked and everything.)
Emily drove back to the office after that, and we loaded more granola. I then drove through Times Square to Bryant Park and we couldn't find a place to park. Finally, we found one, met the team and Emily lead the debriefing. She went with them to do the SE project, and I stayed in the car and read a few Psalms and cried. I'm thinking I kind of identify with David right now...there's a lot going on in my life, and I kind of echo his sentiments in the Psalms. Reading those Psalms gave me the opportunity to remember who Jesus was, and what He had done for me, and what He himself had gone through during His time on earth. It was a good reminder.
Then we drove back to the office to load one pallet of granola that Kate and Zach had gotten from Secaucus, NJ.
Just gotta say here that I think Emily and I work really well together. I'm loud and can get the group's attention and lead, and Emily is really good at encouraging and reminding us why we're here. She said to me today that it's so easy to forget why we're here and that we are in major spiritual warfare--it comes with the ministry. Whether it was a traffic cop directing us past our turn, or the rain slowing us down, or construction, or crazy drivers, we pushed through and did the work of God.
I had to go with Kate and take the two vans back to the garage when we were finished loading granola. I was so nervous driving by myself--no one to navigate, so I stayed on her bumper and was an aggressive driver--to the point that she stuck her arm out the window and gave me a thumbs up after getting through one intersection. So far so good--I think I am getting the hang of this driving in NYC thing...but I hope that I don't lose ALL my driving skills before I get back home the end of July... Zach says that how you drive in NYC is by forgetting every rule of driving that you were ever taught. I think he's right. Am I the only one who uses a turn signal??
We ended the day with a great meeting with Elliot. He was super tired, and we were all so tired we were laughing over anything. It was a good time. We have a new book to read written by the pastor of The Journey. It's about church planting. Should be interesting, I've never read a book like that.
It's time for bed, and even though I haven't heard the regularly occurring fire alarm from a nearby building (at this point it's gotta be something else...) I think I'll sign off.
I'm out.
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| Day 5: Yay, today was kinda rough. Let's put it this way: if something could go wrong, or be disorganized, it did.
Zach was staying in Brooklyn to assist the missions team with their first servant evangelism project (SE) and would meet up with us and the van full of granola at Union Square. Kate went to go get the van from the garage, and Emily and I headed to the office to get the connection cards. While we were standing on the sidewalk outside the office building, a woman walked by and said "Hippies". (Keep in mind, we were standing their with our backpacks, and Emily had on a tye-dye tee-shirt, and a bandanna wrapped around her head.) Then, while I had my back to him, this 50 year old guy walked by and apparently checked me out, which Emily quickly informed me. I'm sorry, but being checked out by a 50 year old guy...father time...yeah, kinda grossed out by that. Suddenly, we got a phone call from Kate, saying that she was getting a ticket. Where she's from, it's not against the law for her to talk on her cell phone while driving, but in NY that's a law, and the cop pulled her over. She took off with the cards and the granola while I showed Emily how to get to Union Square on the subway. When we reached the square, Zach was loading the missions team up with granola and then he and Kate left. I lead the debriefing time with the missions team and then we split up to hand out our connection cards and free granola to people at Union Square. I had one conversation with a Jewish woman who said that she would give the information about the church to her best friend who was a born-again Christian. She also said that this best friend of hers really needed to meet a guy in a certain age bracket, and asked me which service would be the best one to attend, so...I directed her to the 11:30 service in the Upper West Side. It was the least I could do, right?? And I was glad that the Jewish woman had someone in her life that was so open about her faith that her friend could be on the same page with me in discussion. Another woman I handed a card to was ready to debate with me about the series that we were doing this summer, saying that how anyone interprets a situation or movie is up to them depending on their life experiences. However, I was able to help her understand the purpose of the study, and she left happily. Afterward the project was finished, Emily and I took a high-enthusiasm team to the subway and led them to Columbus Circle for lunch.
Can I just say that the missions team is completely awesome. The teenagers are great, and so willing to work. They have a policy of leaving the city better than how they found it, and their willing spirits are so refreshing.
After lunch, one of the leaders put me in charge of the A Team so that he could get some planning done for the sightseeing the team would be doing later. The kids in my group were amazing and I had a blast with them. I spent a lot of time with one of the girls, just walking up one street and down the other near Central Park, showing the love of God in a practical way. "Would you like a free granola bar?" will probably be rolling off my tongue in my sleep.
There was a little rearranging in the schedule (so that the team could go sightseeing) that kind of put some obsticles in our path as interns, tempers began to flare, but we were flexible and worked through the issues. Elliot and Mark really had to debrief us when we finally got back from the office because of all the lack of communication (not having schedules, changes in itineraries, etc.) A lot of stuff can go wrong when you're doing ministry, but you have to plow on through, and that we did. Everything got sorted through, and the SE projects were completed.
Afterward, Elliot sent us to Verdi Square to do one last SE project before we headed home for the night. 3 boxes of granola in a shoulder bag plus a backpack in a crowded subway...not fun. I did enjoy walking around and offering granola to the people sitting on the benches around Verdi Square (which is more like a triangle, but don't tell Verdi that). I like the interaction with the people of this city. They're kinder than I think most give them credit for.
I found a Chipotle buddy!! (Kathy, you should be here). Emily likes Mexican!! We got burritos for dinner, and I was super excited about it after a long hard day on my feet. (They don't have Chipotle in PA).
Pretty much just relaxed after that...oh, and I heard the fire alarm again of the apartment near mine. Weird.
Also, who is playing trumpet and trombone down the street late at night???
I'm out.
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| Beware, I'm about to be very real about my selfish, inward focus on myself.
Day 4:
Church day...4 services...many blocks of walking...many blisters...many first time visitors to the church...many tears.
Today I just did not wake up on the right side of the bed (I mean...who would at 5:30AM). I knew something was off before I even got ready for the day. I was homesick...and dreading the incredibly long day. I'm not sure how much I even talked all that day...it was that bad.
I'm not sure it is possible to fully describe to you how difficult this day has been. It would also be too difficult to even describe in full detail all the things that we did today. 4 church services (3 at one school, 1 at another). Tearing up and setting down...I was exhausted and hungry. Add to that going with Emily to lead the super awesome missions team to Verdi Square and turning around to come back from Verdi square to help the church faculty tear down from the service (thank goodness for Emily who puts up with my silence while walking with a smiling face). Can I just say: those of you who go to a church which has an actual church building (aka, you can LEAVE stuff there), you are blessed and don't you ever take it for granted.
I think we got there in the morning at 7:05AM (left at 6:40 to walk the over a dozen blocks) to begin setting up for the first three services, and got done loading the vans, trucks, etc. at 3:30. The interns and some of the church faculty hopped on the subway and took off to the next church location. I didn't say much on that long subway ride. I had my sunglasses on, and fought back the tears of homesickness. It was following me everywhere. We were told to take time to sit down and eat, but instead, we ordered a slice of pizza and stood and ate it in what Kate says was less than 5 minutes. We were on the corner right by the school, so we hurried over there. I suddenly had a much needed second wind to help setup. I actually got to sit down and enjoy the church service because I wasn't serving in any way during it (first service at the other location I was an usher and helped take the offering). The service was good, but I gotta tell ya...I was still so homesick I don't even know what came over me. I just started crying during the message. It was about salvation, and the truth about Christianity. People probably thought I was struggling, and overcome by the truth, and needed Jesus. Well, I'm already saved by grace...but I needed Jesus to make me not so homesick. Everything reminded me of my family...and my home. I was sick of crying behind my sunglasses, and biting my tongue when I was around people so that I would stop crying. As long as I was busy doing something I was OK...but I couldn't handle it otherwise. I just wanted to be home. I am much more comfortable in the city than I thought I was going to be, and I was quickly learning how to get around the city. However...I just wanted home. I wanted to pack my bags and leave because I was that homesick. But, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was definitely supposed to be there. Through the support of other people God had immediately affirmed to me that I was supposed to be here and there's no turning back now.
When we finally got back, about 9 o'clock, I was still struggling with the tears. (Oh, and my sandals had completely rubbed skin from my feet...) I settled down on my pull out bed with my laptop and checked my email. I had an email from my mother which sent me into another round of tears and then my father called me. I went to the front steps of my apartment building and called him back. I couldn't reach him. I called home, couldn't reach anyone. I called my mom, couldn't reach her either. Frustrated and even more homesick than before I started to cry, right there on the stone railing to the steps, bare feet dangling. Finally, I got a hold of my father and struggled through a tearful conversation with my father (though I tried to hide the fact that I was crying). Finally my mother called me back. I immediately started to cry and when she asked me what was wrong I just told her "the usual". I hated feeling like this--being so homesick. I was sure I was the biggest wuss, and therefore I didn't tell anyone that I was feeling so homesick. I did what I usually do, and just hold everything inside. Ridiculous, I know...but it's how I cope (or...rather, I think that I'm coping). My mom gave me some reassuring words and reminded me that I couldn't judge the whole experience by one weekend, and that in a week I would feel better. I hated the fact that I wasn't living from weekend to weekend (since we work everyday), but that I was living from June 4th to July 31st. It seemed like a lifetime away. I thought about it and every time that I have gone away from home, to my first school, and then to the other college, I was away from home, but I had never been away from close family or friends in either place. This is my first time being away from home...in a place unfamiliar to me, and with no close family or friends. Time for the real world. I need to get over it.
Eventually I was joking around with my mother and describing to her my cute, yet busy city street. I could hear plains flying overhead, sirens in the distance, the intersection light was changing while yellow taxis hurried around the city, and there were people walking by looking at me weird. My mom reminded me that when you're in ministry there is going to be difficult times, and that maybe I should tell someone about what I was feeling. This reminded me that God has put people in our lives to help us, and I should actually open up and let them know what I was going through, even if it was something as silly as being homesick. She told me that a man at my home church had prayed during the service and specifically asked that God would challenge me during my time in NYC. I jokingly told my mother to tell him to stop, I didn't want to be challenged. But, it's true, and I know that God will challenge me in much more than being homesick.
I know this is a dismal post...but ya just gotta know, it was a dismal day.
What I learned today: I was so focused on myself that I completely missed the purpose of church, and reaching people, and looking outside of myself to meet the needs of others. I'm just not good at that. I care about people, yes, but if I'm struggling, it's like there's this emotional wall and I just shut down.
What I need to do: Step outside of my own little world!
And I'm so glad the fire alarm I just heard was not for MY apartment building. Don't worry, there were no sirens.
I'm out.
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